ELGAR: Of course. But you must humour two old men, Jelka; and I have to say, my dear, you look radiant, so beautiful.

JELKA: Sir Edward, please. And why must I humour two old men?

ELGAR: What else is there, Madam Delius? We have all tried in our way to humour the very world itself, have we not, to make it a place that even politicians might not wish to spoil. But spoil it they do. So why not humour the two of us?

JELKA: What? Have you given in? And such a friend of Mr Shaw. I had expected more.

ELGAR: George would say that expectation usually leads to disappointment. No, Madam, I have not given in, but as we travel this dark valley that is the 1930s a little humour is welcome surely?

JELKA: George says! George says! Have you no voice of your own? (Pause) Forgive me, that was uncalled for.

DELIUS: I thought you didn’t want to talk of politics, Jelka?

Jelka gives Delius a withering stare. Elgar then tries to lighten the mood.

ELGAR: Ha. Do you know, Fred, if I were forty years younger I’d steal her away from you and no mistake. Such passion, such, such? Where would we go, Jelka? The South Seas? Taihiti perhaps, follow in the footsteps of Gauguin? Paint, write music, eat coconuts, drink wine, make love beneath the palms?

Delius then picks up on Elgar’s mood

DELIUS: You are a cad, sir! If you were forty years younger I’d not be the way I am and would demand a dual to protect Jelka’s honour. Pistols or swords, Sir Edward William Elgar, 1st Baronet of Broadheath?

ELGAR: There speaks a Bavarian Yorkshireman. But as you are aware I have little facility with swords. Pistols, sir! Damn good shot - even for a First Baronet of Broadheath, not to mention a Knight Commander of the Royal Victorian Order!

DELIUS: Titles, man, letters, nothing more. Of little consequence in the real world, you could easily have refused them.

ELGAR: Is that so? I don’t remember you refusing your Companion of Honour.

DELIUS: Hmm? A trifle, a mere nod toward my natural genius, no more. Now to business. Pistols? Manstoppers? Cowardly weapons. And Bavaria be damned, Edward, Westphalia. Pistols? Bah! Swords! Real weapons, real blood, real fighting at close quarters. Now, when I was a young man in Leipzig…

JELKA: Fred, enough.

ELGAR: He’d never find us would he, Jelka?

JELKA: And if I were forty years younger I would avoid the two of you like a contagion. In fact forty years ago Fred had still not met me. Perhaps that might have been preferable, what do you think, Fred, Fritzy? What do you say?

DELIUS (Angrily): What do you want me to say, Jelka, that I wish I’d never met you? Why do you taunt me so? Anyway, our guest doesn’t want to hear this. All I know is that forty years ago Hitler was still only four years old. Someone should have kidnapped him, broken his scrawny neck and buried him deep in a forest, deep in a German forest, and the whole of the German Royal Family, and their English cousins, and the landed Junkers while they were at it. What do you say, Edward? What do you say Jelka? Should the mob have murdered the Rosens’, and the Delius’ and buried the damned lot of them in a dark German forest? I say they should.

ELGAR: I say, Fred, that’s a bit strong isn’t it? Murder? Should we talk of it so lightly?

DELIUS: I am not talking lightly. Others seem not to be either. There is unfinished business ahead.

ELGAR: Others? Unfinished business? Oh, I’m damned if I know. (Pause) I was in Brazil not long ago, and their forests are ruddy dark too. Perhaps we should send him there? Hitler, eh?

DELIUS: With Goring.

ELGAR: Ha! Goring it is. But don’t murder them. Let them wander around until the natives stew ‘em up for supper? Goring alone should last them a week.

JELKA: Hitler and Goring as Hansel und Gretal? Splendid idea. Probably do the world a power of good.

ELGAR: D’you know forty years ago I was still in the thrall of Oscar Wilde. Now if someone had left him deep in a forest the natives might very well have been drinking Absynthe and using nail polish within a month. Now let’s get off the subject. Madam I am as dry as a dog’s tail in a following wind.

They all laugh

Go to Part 3.

Sir Edward Elgar would have been 150 in June this year, and something more of a prodigy at that age than even he had been in life.

We all know Elgar’s popular classics, of course, Nimrod from the Enigma Variations, Pomp and Circumstance No. 1 — Land of Hope and Glory — and a rash of wonderfully melodic, string-based compositions that recall Edwardian England like no other. When asked if he used folk music in his work, he repied, “Madam, I write the folk tunes of England”. And so he did.

Yet he accomplished much more than that. The German conductor, Hans Richter, said of his First symphony, “It is the greatest symphony of modern times, and not just in this country [England] either.” Richter premiered it, as well as the Enigma Variations and his oratorio, The Dream of Gerontius.

Although quintessentially English, Elgar’s music was firmly rooted in the Austro-German Romantic tradition. His poor background prevented him from studying in Leipzig. He did, though, get to Bayreuth in 1892 where he experienced the first performance of Wagner’s greatest achievement, Parsifal. He saw it twice and Der Meistersinger four times. Needless to say, he became a passionate Wagnerian for the rest of his life.

Classy Classical will be covering this event throughout this year, including a hoped-for serialization of Steve Newman’s play on Elgar.

To celebrate Elgar’s 150th, the UK’s Daily Mail is offering an Elgar Edition of five CDs with Mark Elder conducting the Halle Orchestra. Works included are :

1. First Symphony; In the South.
2. Enigma Variations; Serenade for Strings; Cockaigne (In London Town).
3. Falstaff; Cello Concerto; Romance; The Smoking Cantata.
4. Second Symphony; Introduction and Allegro for Strings.
5. Froissart; Dream Children; The Music Makers.

Unusually, there’s no website for purchases, but you can ring : +44 (0)1634 832789. The price in sterling is £44.95 ($88).

Classy Classical will be receiving a complete redesign and makeover in the next week or two. Apart from upgrading to Wordpress 2.1, the latest version, it will receive a brand new designer styling (pictured) by Thord Hedengen.

There may be some disruption to service while this work is carried out, and fresh posts will be delayed for a few days.

That excellent music critic David Mellor, has compiled a list of his top 10 classical CDs of 2006. I thought it would be worthwhile taking a look at them:

1. La Clemenza Di Tito, the Mozart opera, is favoured in two recordings, both excellent : the first by Sir Charles Mackerras, the other by Rene Jacobs.

2. Also by Mozart and conducted by Mackerras is the recital Tutto Mozart.

3. Best reissue is (again) Mozart’s Complete Piano Concertos by Murray Perahia.

4. Best instrumental is Stephen Hough’s Spanish Album, which is “a real connoisseur’s choice”.

5. Best Concerto is Vivaldi’s Violin Concertos, which presents five that have never been heard before, played by violinist, Giuliano Carmignola.

6. Best historical is Jascha Heifetz’s 1930’s recording of the Sibelius concerto, conducted Sir Thomas Beecham.

7. Best orchestral is Richard Strauss’s Alpine Symphony with Polish maestro Anthony Wit.

8. Best chamber is Martha Argerich And Friends with music from the 2005 Lugano Festival, including two Rachmaninov masterpieces.

9. A special award goes to label Lyrita, pioneers of off-the-beaten-track recordings of British music.

10. CD of the Year goes to the 1955 Bayreuth Ring, issued for the first time in four sets by Testament, and originally recorded by Decca.

A splendid top 10 indeed.